Monty Python and the Holy Fish
by Daine Crow
Summary: These are the Knights of the Round Table seeking out the Holy Fish. It is pretty hard to say what happens. PLEASE R&R! The chapters are short and read easily, so do not refrain from reading it because you think it's too long.
1. The Holy Fish

"I told you-no eating fish on the market!" shouted a market woman.

"Well I'm the king, and I order you to give me this fish!" replied King Arthur. He was standing in front of a market in the middle of nowhere. "We are going to Camelot, and we need a refreshment!"

"Sire, you call this a refreshment?" said one of his knights, Sir Robin. Instantly his comrades started singing,

"Sir Robin was brave and chickened out

Instead he went to find a trout

He was hungry-"

"STOP THAT ALREADY!" shouted Sir Robin. His comrades glared at him in unison, if that's possible.

"Yes it IS a refreshment, Sir Robin the not-quite-so-brave-as-Launcelot!" replied the King to his previous question.

"Sir Robin will never be as brave

He'll never be like Launcelave!"

"STOP IT!" bellowed Sir Robin.

"I also told you-no bellowing on the market!" was the market-woman's answer to all of this.

"Sir Robin, you really ought to give your comrades some fun," said Sir Lancelot, who was quite alright with nobody being as brave as him.

"Anyway, O peasant-woman, we seek the Holy Fish!" With that, all of the knights started glaring at their king.

"Well if that's the Holy Fish, IT'S MINE!" And with that, the peasant-woman grabbed the fish and ran off.

"Follow her, lads!" ordered King Arthur.

"Hey! We're not lads, we're Brave Knights!" Sir Lancelot had wounded pride.

"We will be the knights who say Shmabbergaster!" shouted Sir Robin's comrades/knights. "Shmabbergaster! Shmabbergaster! Shmabbergaster! Shmabbergaster! Shmabbe-"

"Stop annoying us, will you!" exclaimed Sir Robin.

"Anyway: Follow her, Knights who say Shmabbergaster!"

"Aye-aye, sir!"

"HALT!"

As all of the knights scrambled to obey his order, (for I could not say orders, because there was only one order not two or more "GET ON WITH IT!") all of them fell on top of one another, King Arthur at the bottom, creating the image of a pile of stupid, dead knights.

As it so happened, Arthur scrambled out from under the pile of knights first, him not wanting to stay looking like a pile of stupid, dead knights (who were also resting while at it).

"You will not act like pirates!" he said.

"Aye-aye, sir! We are not pirates!"

"Not acting like pirates includes not saying 'Aye-aye, sir'!"

"But what's wrong with saying 'Aye-aye, sir'?" asked one of Sir Robin's comrades.

"YOU JUST SAID IT!" bellowed King Arthur, his voice echoing throughout the hills of England. There was a moment before Sir Robin's comrade said,

"But you said it before…!"

"SILENCE!" Another moment of not saying anything reigned.


	2. Two Strange Knights

And so the Knights who say Shmabbergaster arrived at a forest, where two knights where battling.

"I hear the sound of coconuts…" said one knight.

"Mmm…coconuts…" said the second one.

"We're in the middle of a battle; how COULD you think of coconuts?"

"Hey!" the second knight was offended. "You started it!"

"But YOU commented on it!" said the first one.

Knight No. 2 sighed. "Food always comes before battle on my list…"

"You have a list?" No. 1 was interested.

"No…"

"I want to see the list!"

"Hullo, brave knights!" King Arthur stepped forward. "We hope we are not intruding upon anything."

"I don't hope that!" said one of Sir Robin's comrades.

"Shut up! Yes you do!" exclaimed Arthur. "What are your names, brave knights?"

"Nancy and Elizabeth," answered No. 2.

"Huh?" chorused all of the knights.

"I beg my opponent's pardon!" said No. 1. "OUR names are Sir Kelmosot and Anthur. My opponent stated the names of our wives."

"Hey! I'm Sir Anthur!" amended Sir Anthur. Sir Kelmosot rolled his eyes.

And so Sir Robin's comrades started singing:

"Sir Kelmosot and Sir Anthur fought

But thought about what they'd bought-"

"NO!" shouted all of the knights.

"I don't mind it!" said Sir Anthur.

Said Sir Kelmosot, whose father was a lawyer, "Now, if we high and noble knights are to listen to these songs, you must get what we did correctly," he said with authority.

Robin's comrades stared blankly at him.


	3. Arguments and Musings

"Will you join us in our quest for the Holy Fish?" asked King Arthur, stroking his beard, envious of the authority that Sir Kelmosot seemed to have. In three words, he was jealous.

"You're just jealous!" said Sir Kelmosot. Em…apparently he's psychic too. "…Because I'm psychic!" TOLD YOU!

"The King is never jealous!" It was Arthur's turn to be offended.

"I'm hungry," mused Sir Anthur, interrupting the talk of jealousy and psychic people.

"You can have some of his coconuts…" said Psychic Sir Kelmosot. Sir Anthur went to get the coconuts, feeling sad.

"I was just about to say that," growled King Arthur.

"I know," growled PSK in return.

"Well, we will leave you gentlemen to your battle now," said Arthur.

"But I'm not finished my coconuts!" protested Anthur.

"You may finish them before we resume the battle," said Sir Kelmosot.

And so the Knights of the Round Table rode on. There was silence, as the knights, who (except for Arthur) had barely said anything, mused.


End file.
